Thursday, December 9

Tell us about those "moral values," will ya?

We're back to more red-state cognitive dissonance, but this time it's me who can't seem to parse the difference between what they say and what they do.

It started when I heard from a friend of a friend that an old mutual acquaintance whom I knew had voted for Bush, is a "swinger," along with his wife. The have three kids and live in the suburbs. In a red state, of course.

At first I said, "oh, wow, they're poly!" But upon hearing more from my friend, no, they're not poly. They're swingers. They go to sex parties and hook up.

That's cool, whatever. I mean, they've been doing this for long enough that it doesn't seem to have affected their relationship. According to my friend, they are happy, and that's great. I'm happy for them. Everyone is consenting, they're all adults, and they're enjoying themselves. Bravo, I say. Have fun.

But then, to vote for someone who opposes gay marriage, I mean, what the fuck? In a way, the two have nothing to do with each other from my perspective. If we weren't the same sex, we would be the most boring, run-of-the-mill couple you'd ever meet. We have been monogamous for over 12 years. Our lives revolve around our kids, our jobs, our home, and our community. We do exciting things like knit and scrapbook. Sex parties are not even on our radar screen. Just. Can't. Imagine.

But it seems that the red states think that I am a threat to the moral fabric of our nation. Not exactly sure what that's all about--I guess I figured they thought we were having kinky sex all over the place (let us pause for a moment to laugh cynically--um, ever lived in a house with twin toddlers?). But shit, apparently they're having kinky sex all over the place in those red states, and here I am trying to figure out how to get dinner on the table and worrying about transitioning to preschool, this is where my brain just loses traction and starts to spin out, you know? And it's not just my old acquaintance who is doing this. There's a whole club he belongs to in his red state suburb. How many of them do you think voted for Bush? And, um, uh, what the fuck, huh?

So you know, I'm not coming out against swingers. Like I said, have fun, consensual adults, safe sex, all that. No problemo. But uh, could you please not vote for people who have pledged to take basic civil rights away from homosexual Ward & June Cleaver?

So dude, if I'm going to be maligned and vilified for my "lifestyle" (because it is very, very, stylish--in an Erma Bombeck kind of a way), I think I really need to make my lifestyle a little more interesting. Being an upstanding, responsible, tax-paying, faithful, monogamous, church-going (ok, UU, but it still counts!), community-minded citizen hasn't done shit for my image. I'm pretty much a pervert, as far as red America goes. And I though that they just had a really low threshold for perversion, and while I thought they were very wrong and didn't understand, it turns out that they've got "lifestyles" of their own and are busy doing stuff that I don't think is perverted, but hey, you can't deny that it's a little kinky. But what exactly does a girl do with that kind of information? And this may be really sad to say, but I don't WANT to start a suburban sex club here in my blue state. I'd rather go to knitting night. I am telling the gods' honest truth. How sad is that?

In a much more depressing piece of red-state hypocrisy, see what Republic of T just posted about a little more red-state morality:

Sigh. If someone can explain this to me, I'd be grateful. Thanks.


Anonymous said...

ummmmmmmmmm I wonder how many threesomes go on during these swinging thingies. But really its not against homosexual sex its against MALE homosexual activity. Really girls on girls is supposed to be fun for those freaks cause you know all those girls on girls just need them to step in and make it all woo hoo.... your next door neighbor Elka

Anonymous said...

Every day I read an article like that that makes my brain spin. I just can't grasp the reason for folks to vote against their own lifestyle or to hang on to their hypocrisy with an iron grip. Gay republicans really throw me for a loop. I also can't get my mind around the fact that there are people who think a family with two mothers is detrimental. Seriously, can a person have enough mothering in their life?


Anonymous said...

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I just noticed I'm not a knitter who thinks. Phuey. Well that explains the hurt head :^>

Still your neighbor Elka

Anonymous said...

ROFL - you know - your line at the end "I really don't WANT to start a sex club..." is what really got me guffawing in my office -

I agree, way too much of a brain strain to see the "logic" in it. - Sara

Lili said...

I's completely unfathomable, not to mention disgusting, that a person could live under such a double standard. And terifying to think that people who think like that are running the country now. *sigh*

Anonymous said...

Believe it or not its some 100% wool permanantly mothproofed, shrinkproof, no dye lot necessary antiquity. Got handed down to me by an elderly knitter who said it was her moms! I think I have a dozen of them floating around and socks should be perfect.... If you want some shout out and I mail to you


Jessica said...

Oo, oo, I think I can explain it.
They're idiots!

Colette said...

You gotta love the hypocrisy! What really kills me is that every gay couple I know is monogamous and wants to marry and most of the straight people I know are divorced or have no desire to marry - yet gay coulples are undermining the sanctity of marriage. Go figure.