Whoa, September!

Well, hello! We got back from vacation and it was like a tornado hit. Everything just started up full-force. I can't remember if I mentioned that I foolishly agreed to do a freelance project, over and above my current job, for another department at the college where I work. So I have been slaving away over a hot computer at every free moment. No pretty pictures of knitting FOs and spinning in progress for you, no, no, no! I could take cute little snapshots of massaged databases and mail-merged documents shoehorned into one page of letterhead by playing very fast and loose with the margins. I could even show you an online survey (at our friend surveymonkey, and yes, I got attitude immediately when I asked IT to create a "front" for it that would make it look like it was on our server) if it wouldn't be unprofessional. But somehow those don't have the same kind of appeal as nice warm fuzzy yarn and sweaters. I can't imagine why.

Back when I was still on vacation (remember back then?), I did make some progress on sewing up the diagonal progression sweater. I was thinking about that sweater, that was knit while I was going through the darkest days of IVF (numbers 3 and 4, and the part where I was bleeding and pregnant). I spent a lot of time in waiting rooms at the Brigham (motto: "Like doing IVF at the DMV") desperately, obsessively, even angrily, knitting away. I remember feeling like most of my life was so futile. All I seemed to do was deal with medications, drive 2 hours each way to have 10-minute ultrasound appointments, and cry. I had been doing IVF for nearly a year and it just felt like this insane treadmill of heroic measures that never went anywhere. Knitting was the only place I ever made PROGRESS. Sure, it was slow, and yeah, sometimes I had to frog (though I'm rather creative about finding ways to fix problems without extensive frogging), but if I kept at it, head down, brow furrowed, something happened. I remember how badly I needed to feel like my efforts made some mark on the world, however small and slow.

So there's something symbolic about sewing this sweater. I have another IVF-waiting-room sweater that I seamed right away, and which I wear all the time. It's probably my favorite of all the sweaters I've made. But this one has been languishing. Sure, it's mostly because I lost the pattern, LOL, but in a way I feel like I was waiting to put this part away. I know I won't put it away completely, but when I have finally sewn the last (damn) seam stitch (did I mention I hate seaming?), I think it will symbolize letting go of some of that pain.

But it will have to wait a little bit longer. As Sara says, until I have this surveymonkey off my back.